Put yourself in a stranger’s shoes, and walk into your bedroom. Visualize it. Feel it. Smell it. Touch it. What is your immediate perception of the person who owns it?
That person is you.
Now ask yourself: Is your bedroom a reflection of who you are, and what you want for your future in intimacy?
Whether we’re single, in a long-term relationship, or anywhere in between, a single room—the bedroom—has the power to give us a new lease on life, a reason to be excited, or to let go of the past. Anyone can shift the energy and renew a problematic space: It doesn’t require much more than the desire to begin anew.
The objects we surround ourselves with exude an energy that affects us, and depending on how meaningful they are, they influence how we feel. The bedroom is a reflection of the most intimate part of you. It is where you sleep, dream, desire, and experience love. It is a place where you are highly physical and emotional.
Ask yourself these simple questions:
1) Is your bedroom sensual or soulless?
2) Do you have fresh, beautiful sheets or worn ones?
3) Is your room an ordered sanctuary or a chaotic mess?
All of these factors contribute to the question: Do you own the room, or does the room own you?
Our subconscious beliefs are so deep-seated, they can affect our perception of reality. For example, if everyone sees you as an outrageously funny person, but beneath you’re actually somber, your bedroom might reflect a dreary atmosphere. We are often unaware of our energy blocks, but a strategic approach to your most intimate environment can help you regain control of your life and love.
4 STEPS TO OWNING YOUR SPACE
If you own your sensuality, your room, and your space, your partner can sense it; your partner sees you how you see yourself. Owning your space allows you to share the deepest part of you with someone you love. Whether you’re aware of it or not, you’re sharing a space that contains all the unspoken words that you forget to say but still feel for each other. There’s a natural kinetic dance that follows two bodies moving together within the same space. If you’re single, this is a great way to prep before you bring in that special someone or to simply deepen your relationship with yourself. When you’re confident, you walk with a catlike grace—and it all starts with owning your space and your bedroom.
Step 1: Walk around naked in your bedroom. How does it feel? This is your sacred sanctuary. If you’re troubled or feeling despondent in this space, it will show up in your body no matter where you go: It will affect the way you walk and even how you perceive the objects around you. Being naked is a great way to connect yourself to the sensual rhythms of your body. When you’re fully in your sensual self, you will have a heightened awareness of what is out of place in your bedroom. Objects will shout out to you, “Throw me out!” or “Move me!”
Step 2: Write out a list of the characteristics that on your best day you would like to be (i.e., funny, smart, sensual, spiritual, intense, compassionate, sexy). Does your room evoke any of these feeling and aspirations?
Step 3: Now close your eyes and take a moment to relax. Open your eyes, and walk through your bedroom anew, noticing the objects that stand out. Choose the ones that have a special meaning to you. Notice the connection. Are there memories associated with the items? If so, are they pleasing or conflicting? What do the colors and smells you’re sensing represent to you? Connecting in this way instantly grounds us.
It may surprise you to discover how in tune or out of sync you are. If you’re feeling out of sync and are ready to take action, try this technique: What to keep or toss away.
Step 4: Take out your list of descriptive words and look around. The key is not to question or to access feelings about how you relate to the furniture or items; it’s more about moving with the space and how the space is moving with you. (Like your energy, your space will ebb and flow—make sure you’re in sync with it. You’ll know when you’re not because you won’t feel connected with your surroundings.) For example, if you’re looking at your list and the word “sensual” stands out, and at the same time you’re eyeing a throw pillow that looks lifeless, then trust that as your answer. If it’s not a match or even close, make a mental note to toss.
Whatever your style, subtle lighting, pastel colors, and timeless, luxurious furniture create the most nurturing environment. Soft greys, creams, beiges, and earth tones are excellent colors to calm the spirit. Your bed is the place where you renew yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually—the place where you journey in your dreams, a place of healing and physical love, so spend the most effort on it.
Your bedroom represents you. Being desired and feeling sensual (with the knowledge that you deserve it) are essential: Outfit your bedroom with candles and your favorite scents to reflect that sensuality. As you fall into bed at the end of your day, surrender to pleasure—let yourself melt into your new serenity.
INTUITIVE FENG SHUI FOR THE BEDROOM: 4 TIPS
1. Don’t put the side or back of your bed flush against the wall.Give it an inch or two of space to prevent energy from being trapped. It’s important for your body to have a sense of flow within its sleeping space.
2. Make sure a chair is facing at an angle to the door or the bed. It’s inviting and will encourage your partner or yourself to use it. Otherwise, you’ll pile it up with clothes and won’t sit on it, which mirrors your habit to pile up other things you’re not dealing with outside your room. The bedroom represents the deepest part of you and your body, which is why neglecting it has a counter effect on how you sleep and heal emotionally.
3. Don’t sleep under a window or by an uncovered window, because unless your partner is an exhibitionist, he or she won’t enjoy the lack of privacy and intimacy.
4. Keep the space under your bed clear of clutter: It magnifies the mental clutter you keep in the dark spaces of your mind.
This piece was originally published on Goop.